Pregnancy Confession #1

Confession: I'm paranoid about gaining too much weight during this pregnancy. Almost obsessed about it.

I mean, if I was this obsessed about losing weight BEFORE I got pregnant I would have weighed 120 pounds and wouldn't have to worry too much about it now. I'll be 36 when Baby B gets here and I know it's going to be harder to get the weight off now that I'm older. I haven't exactly embraced my changing body like some people do. I've tried to express my concerns to some friends and family, but no one seems to get it. They just say That baby has to go somewhere. You know you're going to get bigger. Go ahead and buy the XL shirt, you'll fill it out soon. What are you worried about? Put your feet up and eat ice cream! Isn't it beautiful? You're creating the miracle of life. This is the one time in your life you can just let yourself go! Oh yeah, well I feel like I'm creating a huge belly and ass to carry around this miracle that I hope I leave at the hospital once Baby B gets here.

It also doesn't help when Kb sees another pregnant woman, who is usually 8-9 months pregnant, he'll say "She's huuuuuuuge" Like they just wake up one day and BAM! they're huge. I explain to him that it takes a while for the baby to get big. So of course when we found out I was pregnant I asked him if he'd still think I'm sexy when I'm  huuuuuuuge? His answer was "of course baby, especially if you just gain in your belly it'll be sexy" Hmmm, no pressure there. I'm short, I have boobs and hips and I need my waist to give me an hourglass figure. A baby bump is going to make me look like a toad! Maybe things will change once it actually gets out there but right now I feel like a bloated, fat, mess.

I have got into a bad habit of weighing myself. Everyday. Like I'm going to try to take off weight now or something. I know all I really should be worrying about is how I feel and making a healthy baby. I really am trying to watch what goes in my mouth and listen to my body. I try to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I really haven't had any crazy cravings but if I do want something out of the ordinary I let myself have it. I'm keeping up with my workouts and resting when I feel like it. I guess that's all I can do. It's also more than what some of my friends have done so I guess that will keep me ahead of the game.

Until we can figure out how to grow babies in a jar on the counter I guess we just have to accept how our bodies adapt to the growing life inside us.

Smoking Rant

Ya know what gets on my nerves. Smokers. Oh yes, in high school I thought I was cool and tried it out for a while but it just wasn't for me. Smokers make their addiction everyone else's problem. I'm so sick of walking into my office building and having to walk through the haze of smokers outside the door. Sometimes I swear they take in that last drag and blow it out in the elevator.

My nose is pretty sensitive anyway so this whole pregnancy-super-spidey-sense of smell isn't helping. I can smell a smoker in the same room with me. I know it's none of my business but just seeing someone light up in public makes me crazy. The other day, leaving Zumba, I saw a girl light up right outside the door. We've all been in there, trying to get some good cardio work and when we walk out I have to inhale HER smoke. Ugh! Makes me sick. At the office it's really bad when it's cold, they all huddle together and make one big cloud. And working with one... I can't stand to go by his desk and him not be there "Oh he's down smoking" like you get some kind of automatic break during the day to feed your habit. I like to workout, do I take 10-15 minutes to walk around the block where I can't be bothered? Maybe I should, so when I come in stinky the smokers can get a little taste of what we have to put up with.

Ahhh, ok rant over.

Lemon Water and Football

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it? Actually the game was pretty good, I was happy about that. What sucked was being at a bar w/ friends not drinking and having to listen to and put up with drunk idiots. Kb and I went to my in-laws bar which is actually clean, non smoking and wasn't crowded. All the makings of a decent night. *Cue cold beer, lots of shots and a 35 minute delay due to the lights being out that made everyone lose interest and drink faster. All that mess equals drunk, loud dumbass-ery. I think my husband is taking this "Sweet! I have a designated driver for the next 9 months" a little too seriously.

I'm not a designated driver by CHOICE! I love nothing more than to drink cold beer and watch sports with my man. It was tough to sip my lemon water and eat bar-b-que. Ya know things just don't sound as good if you can't put beer with it. Like, no one ever says "Hey, want to watch the game a grab some pizza and sweet tea?" or "How 'bout some lemon water and wings?" Whoo-boy!

That's the one thing I can say I miss most, being able to enjoy the golden nectar of my Miller Lite. I know it's all worth it and people even say.. "When you haven't had it for 9 months it really doesn't sound good any more" Yeah, right! All I can say to my husband right now is drink up son, in 6 months it'll be my turn and it will be ugly.

Get a Grip

I'm really taking this time to get a handle on my eating habits. I know, taking this on while pregnant may not be the best idea but just hear me out... Here's a week in my life normally, ie not pregnant. Monday - Thursday I'm on... for the most part. Eating right, working out, maybe meeting the girls for dinner or drinks 1 night. If I do that I'll probably think I've blown it for the week and end up picking up fast food  for lunch the next day. Friday the hubs and I may go out, have a few drinks, dinner, Saturday we get up and go to our favorite little burrito place, that afternoon we'll wind up having beers somewhere watching sports of some kind. Sunday is Funday Sunday, a day of mimosas, or irish coffee and eating a big Sunday breakfast of eggs benedict or waffles then dinner cooked at home. I'll start to realize the damage I've done and vow to get back on the preverbial horse on Monday. Then the cycle continues.

Now, I'm drinking tons of water insead of beer and really trying to think about what goes into my body. I'm terrified of gaining too much weight. I'm really trying to stay on my workouts and making a goal of at least 3 times a week. But most of all I'm really trying to listen to my body. If it needs rest, I'm giving it rest. If I feel good and want to get a good sweat on, I do it. If I'm craving something sweet, which isn't out of the norm pregnant or not, I really try to think about it and decide weather to give in and head to the vending machine or if I can curb it with something somewhat healthy. Maybe a chocolate chip 90 calorie granola bar or some fruit instead of a few mini Twix or Snickers. Today I needed something sweet and cured it with a packet of sugar-free cherry limeade I found. It's the little things.

Also, I've really been trying to make dinner at home. Something healthy and somewhat light. We eat mostly organic meats at home. (Read: deer meat and fresh caught fish of some kind). The deer meat is low in fat and I know the fish wasn't fed some kind of  protein injected chicken shit at a farm in China. So I feel good about that.

Don't get me wrong...I give in and indulge sometimes but I'm really trying to keep things in check and hope this leads to a healthy pregnancy, and baby. I also hope this will make a somewhat easy transition after the baby gets here to help me lose baby weight and then some.

Workin it Out

So, I'm really trying to stay in shape during my pregnancy. I really do enjoy working out. I'm not the smallest person out there, in fact I'm pretty, um... solid? I consider myself strong and in shape but am no string bean. The first few weeks I was so tired I didn't feel like working out but after about 8-9 weeks I got my energy back and now I do. I used to go to boot camp workouts and loved it. I felt like it was pretty extreme and thought I should dial it back a bit. Now I go to Zumba, a toning class, make up my own circuit workouts or just go for walk intervals at home.

My friends and family give me mixed vibes on working out though. The doc said I could do anything I was doing before. Some are saying "Jenn, take this time to be lazy and take it easy" "You know you shouldn't get your heart rate up too much" "Don't get too hot" "Be careful, you need to make sure everything is situated where it should be" Like something might come loose? The people giving me this "advice" aren't actually reaping the benefits from some cardiovascular activities themselves so I don't know where they have room to talk.

The doc also said I should expect to gain anywhere from 25-30 pounds, anything else is going to go straight to my ass. No one  wants anything going straight to their ass. So I'm trying to stay ahead of the game and hope the more I do now the longer I can do it and the faster I can get back to it.

Some of the best advice I've received came from my GYN. He said "You're pregnant. Not stupid. Listen to your body and use common sense" Works for me!

2nd OB Appt and Bday FAIL

Last week we had our 2nd OB appointment. I went in, peed in a cup, they took my blood pressure I saw the Dr for a total of 3 minutes. In that 3 minutes we heard the heartbeat for 2.5 seconds. Wow, really? The Dr said, "I'm not going to stay on it for long. There it is, we heard it that's good. Don't read too much into it." Ummmm ok? WTH is that supposed to mean? I felt so rushed! I mean I don't know what I really expected or what he needed to do but.. really? I can't say he didn't answer my questions since I really didn't have any. I just thought that maybe it would have lasted a little longer. I guess these first few appointments are just to make sure I'm stilll pregannt. Who knows, but if I don't get a better feeling about this doc I may switch..

On to Kb's bday. It was Sunday. He had fishing tournaments on Saturday and Sunday. I decided to make dinner for him. I made a bourbon marinated pork tenderloin. It was awesome! I also made his favorite, a chocolate pie. It was terrible. I don't know what I did wrong but geez. Kb tried it and told me it was good then I tasted it and almost spit it out. I said "this is awful!" He was trying to be sweet and would have choked it down rather than tell his pregnant wife that he left home alone all weekend that the pie she surprised him with tasted like ass. He's sweet like that.

I managed to squeak in  3 workouts last week. Zumba on Monday, an at home circuit on Friday and a toning class on Saturday that was much harder than I expected. I'm feeling pretty good. Days are getting longer so I can start getting in some walking/intervals outside which I love.

That's it for now...

Figure it out

This was one of the BEST weekends we've had in a while. It was just me and Kb hanging out all weekend. At home, with a fire in the fireplace, watching football and movies. It seriously couldn't have been better. We rarely have weekends where we don't have anything going on and can just laze around like that so they're a special treat. I love that we can hang out together and really enjoy each other with no one else around. I thank God everyday for our relationship. I thank Him for the ins and outs and ups and downs that have brought us to where we are today.

We're in such a good place together, so I can't help but wonder why we're scared. We're scared to start this journey to becoming parents. Timing couldn't be any more perfect, though. We're married, we both have jobs, we have a great house, we came to the conclusion to become parents together, so what are we worried about? Some of our friends had their kids when they were much younger, hadn't figured out their relationship yet, or just one of them had the real desire to have kids so it happened. We're starting out much better off than them, even though for most, everything worked out ok. I know God has a plan for everyone, I'm just glad He made us feel like we were in control.

Kb and I are hardworking, determined, independent individuals. We know if we want something out of life we have to work for it. We've always worked toward a measureable, attainable, realistic end goals and more often than not, attained the end goal. Just saying you want to be "good parents" and raise a "good kid" isn't really measureable so how are we supposed to know if we're going to be good at it or do a good job? and honestly the things we're worried about don't need worrying for a few years. Should we build a bigger house? What school district do we need to be in? Will they like sports? Will they unfortunately have my coordination?

Other things are more immediate, how will we afford this kid? Daycare is expensive? I really haven't been around kids that much? How am I supposed to know what to do? How will our relationship change when time is taken away from each other to care for a little one?

We have a great support system (which I am very thankful for) and most of my friends and family say the same thing...You'll figure it out.

So upon entering this journey called parenthood, striving to be the "best" may not be a measureable or attainable goal and something we shouldn't worry ourselves about. We'll just have to be the best we can be. Along the way we'll just figure it out.