My Body isn't My Own Anymore

When did my body become public property? 

Since becoming pregnant, I feel like my body isn't my own anymore. Everyone seems to be looking for my bump. Like I walk into a room and I feel like people are looking me up and down to see what's changed. I think I can see a litttle bump, Jenn. No shit, I'm almost 4 months along, it has to go somewhere. Come here let me touch it. No, creeper. Is it hard yet? I feel like a bloated mess, and since I've cut back on the brewskis, I guess it's harder than my gut used to be.

Or they say things like Jenn, you look great, looks like you're keeping your weight in check . Ummm..Have you been looking at my weight all along and just keeping comments to yourself? Why do you think you can tell me them now? Why didn't you tell me before, geez Jenn, those pants are looking tight, check out that muffin top, that butt is getting huge!  Because it isn't appropriate, that's why! I'm put myself under enough pressure about gaining too much weight, I don't need to worry about what everyone else thinks too.

Weight isn't the only thing people think they can talk about. Jenn, your boobs are gonna be HUGE! Why are you looking or thinking about my boobs people? It's like women that have kids wait patiently for one of their friends to get pregnant and then take that as their cue to spill every single detail of pregnancy. I'm getting bombarded with gross and disgusting tales of pregnancies and childbirth. Any time I try and mention something about being pregnant they interrupt to tell me their story. It's like they have to "top" me. So if I say, “gosh I’m tired today”, toppers come back with , “oh you’ve got it easy I was tired all the time and sick everyday, I had to work 12 hours a day on my feet, you should have seen how swollen my feet were, I had unconrollable gas, wait till that baby starts doing flip flops in your belly, one of my kids got on a nerve in my hip and I didn't sleep for 2 months” blah blah blah. 

I get it, pregnancy is a beautiful, miraculous event that somehows binds us women together in a sorority of sorts and we all can't wait to tell our stories. Just please, keep some of the more graphic details to yourself. Let me figure things out on my own, who knows maybe mine won't be so bad. Or maybe it will be a lot worse than yours, at least that's what I'll think and tell the next victim. MWAHAHAHAHA!!

Until then, keep your hands off my belly people...

 

 

Not-So-Empty Nest

Kb and I are dog people. We had 2 dogs for 15 years that passed away last summer within 3 days of each other. It was tragic and a really bad few days in the Boen household. After they passed, my first reaction was I'm not going to let myself get this close to a dog again...ever . Kb and I were a mess. Over dogs, I haven't been that upset over people, much less DOGS?!?! But they were more than dogs, they were part of our family, our routine. They went to bed with us (not in our bed but to their own), got up with us, they knew their place. They didn't get on the couch, they didn't beg for food, they didn't get into the trash, they didn't shit in the house, they were perfect. Except they were old, 1 was deaf, 1 had a non-existent thyroid and was dependent on meds, and they didn't move too well.

I knew last year was going to be our last with Mr Remy Dog and was halfway preparing myself.

He lost interest in food and slept a lot but was still so happy to see us when we got home. I think Kb was just wanting to come home to him asleep in the back yard. But Fancy Chancey, not to be out done, went first and out of nowhere.

We all woke up and she was very lethargic, I knew something was wrong so off to the vet we went. They found a large mass in her abdomen that was infected. The most non-invasive thing to do was start antibiotics and see if that helped. After a day at the vet we went to check on her and she passed while we were there. You could have knocked me over with a feather. But was I was comforted by the fact that it was like she waited on us to say good-bye. It was a Thursday. We went home a blubbering, crying, shocked, mess. Remy didn't eat again and was ready to go too. The following Sunday we took him and put him to sleep. I guess he waited on her. They were truly like brother and sister, they couldn't stand to be around each other and couldn't stand to be apart.

So what did we do after that?? We grieved for a few months, decided our house was empty and we ended up with these 2 stinkers.

 

 

I'll go in to their story later. And now we have a little one on the way. I guess our nest won't be empty again for a while.

 

 



Pregnancy Confession #1

Confession: I'm paranoid about gaining too much weight during this pregnancy. Almost obsessed about it.

I mean, if I was this obsessed about losing weight BEFORE I got pregnant I would have weighed 120 pounds and wouldn't have to worry too much about it now. I'll be 36 when Baby B gets here and I know it's going to be harder to get the weight off now that I'm older. I haven't exactly embraced my changing body like some people do. I've tried to express my concerns to some friends and family, but no one seems to get it. They just say That baby has to go somewhere. You know you're going to get bigger. Go ahead and buy the XL shirt, you'll fill it out soon. What are you worried about? Put your feet up and eat ice cream! Isn't it beautiful? You're creating the miracle of life. This is the one time in your life you can just let yourself go! Oh yeah, well I feel like I'm creating a huge belly and ass to carry around this miracle that I hope I leave at the hospital once Baby B gets here.

It also doesn't help when Kb sees another pregnant woman, who is usually 8-9 months pregnant, he'll say "She's huuuuuuuge" Like they just wake up one day and BAM! they're huge. I explain to him that it takes a while for the baby to get big. So of course when we found out I was pregnant I asked him if he'd still think I'm sexy when I'm  huuuuuuuge? His answer was "of course baby, especially if you just gain in your belly it'll be sexy" Hmmm, no pressure there. I'm short, I have boobs and hips and I need my waist to give me an hourglass figure. A baby bump is going to make me look like a toad! Maybe things will change once it actually gets out there but right now I feel like a bloated, fat, mess.

I have got into a bad habit of weighing myself. Everyday. Like I'm going to try to take off weight now or something. I know all I really should be worrying about is how I feel and making a healthy baby. I really am trying to watch what goes in my mouth and listen to my body. I try to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I really haven't had any crazy cravings but if I do want something out of the ordinary I let myself have it. I'm keeping up with my workouts and resting when I feel like it. I guess that's all I can do. It's also more than what some of my friends have done so I guess that will keep me ahead of the game.

Until we can figure out how to grow babies in a jar on the counter I guess we just have to accept how our bodies adapt to the growing life inside us.

Smoking Rant

Ya know what gets on my nerves. Smokers. Oh yes, in high school I thought I was cool and tried it out for a while but it just wasn't for me. Smokers make their addiction everyone else's problem. I'm so sick of walking into my office building and having to walk through the haze of smokers outside the door. Sometimes I swear they take in that last drag and blow it out in the elevator.

My nose is pretty sensitive anyway so this whole pregnancy-super-spidey-sense of smell isn't helping. I can smell a smoker in the same room with me. I know it's none of my business but just seeing someone light up in public makes me crazy. The other day, leaving Zumba, I saw a girl light up right outside the door. We've all been in there, trying to get some good cardio work and when we walk out I have to inhale HER smoke. Ugh! Makes me sick. At the office it's really bad when it's cold, they all huddle together and make one big cloud. And working with one... I can't stand to go by his desk and him not be there "Oh he's down smoking" like you get some kind of automatic break during the day to feed your habit. I like to workout, do I take 10-15 minutes to walk around the block where I can't be bothered? Maybe I should, so when I come in stinky the smokers can get a little taste of what we have to put up with.

Ahhh, ok rant over.

Lemon Water and Football

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it? Actually the game was pretty good, I was happy about that. What sucked was being at a bar w/ friends not drinking and having to listen to and put up with drunk idiots. Kb and I went to my in-laws bar which is actually clean, non smoking and wasn't crowded. All the makings of a decent night. *Cue cold beer, lots of shots and a 35 minute delay due to the lights being out that made everyone lose interest and drink faster. All that mess equals drunk, loud dumbass-ery. I think my husband is taking this "Sweet! I have a designated driver for the next 9 months" a little too seriously.

I'm not a designated driver by CHOICE! I love nothing more than to drink cold beer and watch sports with my man. It was tough to sip my lemon water and eat bar-b-que. Ya know things just don't sound as good if you can't put beer with it. Like, no one ever says "Hey, want to watch the game a grab some pizza and sweet tea?" or "How 'bout some lemon water and wings?" Whoo-boy!

That's the one thing I can say I miss most, being able to enjoy the golden nectar of my Miller Lite. I know it's all worth it and people even say.. "When you haven't had it for 9 months it really doesn't sound good any more" Yeah, right! All I can say to my husband right now is drink up son, in 6 months it'll be my turn and it will be ugly.

Get a Grip

I'm really taking this time to get a handle on my eating habits. I know, taking this on while pregnant may not be the best idea but just hear me out... Here's a week in my life normally, ie not pregnant. Monday - Thursday I'm on... for the most part. Eating right, working out, maybe meeting the girls for dinner or drinks 1 night. If I do that I'll probably think I've blown it for the week and end up picking up fast food  for lunch the next day. Friday the hubs and I may go out, have a few drinks, dinner, Saturday we get up and go to our favorite little burrito place, that afternoon we'll wind up having beers somewhere watching sports of some kind. Sunday is Funday Sunday, a day of mimosas, or irish coffee and eating a big Sunday breakfast of eggs benedict or waffles then dinner cooked at home. I'll start to realize the damage I've done and vow to get back on the preverbial horse on Monday. Then the cycle continues.

Now, I'm drinking tons of water insead of beer and really trying to think about what goes into my body. I'm terrified of gaining too much weight. I'm really trying to stay on my workouts and making a goal of at least 3 times a week. But most of all I'm really trying to listen to my body. If it needs rest, I'm giving it rest. If I feel good and want to get a good sweat on, I do it. If I'm craving something sweet, which isn't out of the norm pregnant or not, I really try to think about it and decide weather to give in and head to the vending machine or if I can curb it with something somewhat healthy. Maybe a chocolate chip 90 calorie granola bar or some fruit instead of a few mini Twix or Snickers. Today I needed something sweet and cured it with a packet of sugar-free cherry limeade I found. It's the little things.

Also, I've really been trying to make dinner at home. Something healthy and somewhat light. We eat mostly organic meats at home. (Read: deer meat and fresh caught fish of some kind). The deer meat is low in fat and I know the fish wasn't fed some kind of  protein injected chicken shit at a farm in China. So I feel good about that.

Don't get me wrong...I give in and indulge sometimes but I'm really trying to keep things in check and hope this leads to a healthy pregnancy, and baby. I also hope this will make a somewhat easy transition after the baby gets here to help me lose baby weight and then some.

Workin it Out

So, I'm really trying to stay in shape during my pregnancy. I really do enjoy working out. I'm not the smallest person out there, in fact I'm pretty, um... solid? I consider myself strong and in shape but am no string bean. The first few weeks I was so tired I didn't feel like working out but after about 8-9 weeks I got my energy back and now I do. I used to go to boot camp workouts and loved it. I felt like it was pretty extreme and thought I should dial it back a bit. Now I go to Zumba, a toning class, make up my own circuit workouts or just go for walk intervals at home.

My friends and family give me mixed vibes on working out though. The doc said I could do anything I was doing before. Some are saying "Jenn, take this time to be lazy and take it easy" "You know you shouldn't get your heart rate up too much" "Don't get too hot" "Be careful, you need to make sure everything is situated where it should be" Like something might come loose? The people giving me this "advice" aren't actually reaping the benefits from some cardiovascular activities themselves so I don't know where they have room to talk.

The doc also said I should expect to gain anywhere from 25-30 pounds, anything else is going to go straight to my ass. No one  wants anything going straight to their ass. So I'm trying to stay ahead of the game and hope the more I do now the longer I can do it and the faster I can get back to it.

Some of the best advice I've received came from my GYN. He said "You're pregnant. Not stupid. Listen to your body and use common sense" Works for me!